can i not want you that much?

can i please pretty please not want you that much?

i opened my eyes and feel for the cellphone under my pillow. pressed a button to light it up. no messages. i texted you good morning and step into the shower. took a longer shower just to pass the time. checked the phone again, blank.

i am itching to call you, to ask what have you been up to, but realized you're in your classes now. turned on the tv, and they're playing our favorite song. the first song you sang to me in front of the library in the rain. how i wish things were so simple like during the time we briefly courted. we would always have something to talk about. even when its past bedtime, i'd set my phone on vibrate just so not to wake my roommates with the bleeps.

seems like we dont have much to say these days huh? i would end up replying same old same old of the things i did at home. the routines. and you would end up listing what you had for berbuka. every now and then i would steal a glance at my cellphone. wishing it to lit up, an incoming message or a call. so far it has been a bit quiet. it didnt bleep alot like it used to. and i dont even need to top up the credits once a month. MYR30 is enough to last for two months now.

i've always felt that i miss you and need you so much all the time. up to a point i needed to get in touch with you all the time. but i guess that's changed now. you need to focus on your final year projects and i need to focus on gathering myself together for job interviews. we're not going different directions, its just what happens when we're apart.

nothing's falling apart. only the distance is making things difficult. or at least, appear to be difficult. i love you, sayang. very much. and i miss you too.

so im asking no one in particular.

can i not want you that much?