happiness

i think we all must embrace the happiness in life. no use of being so angry or mad or envy until you forgot the little things that made you happy.

i think people who are angry all the time should be removed from this world just so we have more food for the needy. more air to breathe for the people living in smoke-filled cities around the world.

i believe the world only belongs to the people who are grateful.

drop what you're doing right now and go to the beach but dont go running or anything. just sit there, listen to the waves, look at the sky, close your eyes and feel the breeze.

and embrace happiness and peace.

:)

the journey

oh yes. i love travelling for work and for leisure. work has been fantastic if you're asking and love life is on the bomb yaw!

Bear just got his result and i'm happy that he scored this time only missing a few points from two subjects. others all A's. partly i'm jealous that he's born bright. with just a little bit of a "struggle", he excels in anything. ANYTHING! :")

December marks the third year into our relationship. gone through shits and what nots, i am sure we can survive anything. come what may. haha. i know. cheesy. but who cares. we understand each other better although i am still the cry baby and he is still my macho-macho man! i found out the best time to just stare at him is when he's on DoTA. his eyes will be fixed on the monitor and his fingers busy on the keyboard, but everytime, every time he will know i'm staring at him. eyes not moving from the keyboard and asking," why la look at me like that?" hehehe.

okay-okay. enough with the cheesy-ness. lets get on to some doses of Anne.

i think end of the year is the best time to go for movie premiers. the craziest movie that i'll rate and freakingly good movie is A Christmas Carol. i watched it in 3D and i think i gasped too loud once that Bear couldn't stop laughing. wah! i think i should have better self-control the next time i go for 3D movies. tak boleh kena tipu cermin mata itu lagi. =.="

kami hebat!

oh. and we kind of find a new hobby. thanks to the Don, we found this batting park at one of the shopping malls here and give it a shot. Bear loves it but i have yet to get a try because i was not properly dress to play that day. planning to go next week if the others somehow would love to join. else, it's still fun to play just the three of us. Don, Bear and moi.

 

Left: Bear vs. Right: Don

oh-oh! i was at a Kelantan site recently. and the sandy beach. whow. its gorgeous. and you know how much i love the sea, the sun and the beach. can't live my life without the salty air and the warm breeze of the beach.

wish i have a party of my coolest friends with me here.

 

and visited the notoriously famous Pasar Siti Khadijah. too bad the image is not as colourful because i'm using phone camera. 

if you're a girl, then you'll love the third floor where they sell the kain-kain. bought myself one but still deciding what to do with it.

 

i was rushing back to the car when i saw a group of trishaw waiting by the exit of the bazaar. didn't get to go for a ride but i'll make a mental note to do so the next time i visit kelantan. :)

a friend from home is currently residing in kelantan - which i didn't get to visit because i was on a really-really short trip for work. found out that she is currently pregnant. aww. girl, if you're reading this, one day i'll ring you yea? we should meet up and gossip-gossip. maybe teach me a few mothering tips. :P

the flight back to KL was delayed for like the longest 6 hours ever! we didn't get to board the next flight available to kL because it was FULL. so my colleague and i had to dread the 6-hours wait, without any compensation from the low-cost airline service. sigh.

but thanks to the beaches in Kelantan for keeping my mind at peace. for reminding me that Allah is the creator of all the beautiful things around me. for making me drop what i am busy with and just be grateful that i have a great life and He has planned the best for me in the future. (alamak, cheesy lagi). anyways, i'm just grateful to Him. for the warmth, for the breeze, for the sunlight and for a breath of life.

watch the waves:

 

one

two

 

three

 

actually i hate flying at night. the wait for the flight is really-really tiring.

but,

 i get to lay back and relax for a bit.

wishing you're here with me,

Daddy

Mummy

Ahmad Reza

Ady

xoxo,

Anne

;as agreed-

note to psychos out there, go get a life! the last laugh will always be mine.

:D

 

 

greetings from afar

hullo. and yes, its true i have been very very busy with work that i failed to spend some time to just sit quietly at a corner with a mug of hot milo (which i now can drink after a serious case of caffeine intolerance - read, migrain - two years ago) and write.

the transition is a bit painful because this time i think, i think.. i am not prepared to make the big move although i have to start somewhere in my life - sooner or later. which i have decided it should be sooner. the longer you wait, the more you will anticipate it.

i was sent out on my first assignment on my second week in the company. i was posted to Kundasang, Sabah site. haha! so much for crying at the airport and thinking, " bila lah lagi aku dapat datang lawat sabah?". nah, ambik kau, second week dah datang sabah. benefits from that sitework is 1. i get to visit Bear while transitting in KK. and 2. i get to work without a single sweat because the site is located at the foot of Mt. Kinabalu and the breeze i tell you. THE breeze. refreshing and it feels so much like home.

the next week after while waiting for Bear's return to Shah Alam, i was posted to Puchong site. investigating a potential leak because the residents there complained of a strong hydrocarbon odour from the gas station. yes, you can say i'm an environmentalist now. not all geologist can get themselves into the "cari gali minyak" industry considering the economy and whatever that went wrong in the industry now. so landing myself a job, is considered as lucky dah so i should be grateful. ahem. although the oil and gas industry is where the money is, lets just put that aside for a moment and concentrate on doing my part to save the world. :)

im planning to buy a car soon. i have decided on what car but the problem now is the colour. i cant decide between the bluish grey that Bear likes, the metallic black that Daddy always approve of, or the turqoise that I love for the youthful and hippy appearance. anybody got a three-sided coin to flip??

the thing i love about this job is i get to travel around to where the site brings me. and next week, i'll be travelling to Kelantan. it's going to be a two days short trip (which Bear hates because i am not supposed to leave him for work while he's here). how can i explain to him that whatever that is going on in life/work right now, he will always be my top priority? it's just difficult sometimes handling him not wanting me to go to sites. but eventually i think he will adjust.

this month, i declare it the best of all month this year. i only have to work on the first friday of the month. and then from there its all holi-holiday on Furriday! yeay!

Awal Muharram is coming so i better settle down on resolutions for the new year.

Christmas is coming although i dont celebrate it for the religious reasons but i celebrate it for the sake of holiday seasons. just for the fun of it.

and yes, im loving Atiqah's blog posts ever more (which you can view the notes version posted on Facebook). and i think i should take some time to write after this if i intend to keep this blog going.

besides, if i myself wont/cant decide to make some time to write it, who will?

the big move

yeah. sunday will be the big move. i got a job in Damansara uptown and will be moving there.

its nothing big really considering i'm still under probation for three months. i'm employed as Environmental Engineer. (which i dont know why they call it that but i still prefer to be called Geologist/Geoscientist). what company? this one:

AECOM Environment

but what's exciting is i'll be around when monsieur R is in Selangor for his semester break.

i'm going to miss Miri alot though. which is a bummer because i cant be in two place at one time.i love miri for the slow speed of life, the beaches and the people i love. i love kL because i can just get myself swallowed in the hustle bustle of a big city. like, real big city.

i think this place is gorgeous. Tanjong Lobang, Miri. 

 

The Wavebreaker, Tanjong Lobang, Miri

 

Sunlight and Shadows, Tanjong Lobang, Miri

i dont think i have pictures of the other beach - Esplanade Miri. which is another great beach hangout during the weekends. i think i'll be about 2 hours away from the beach after this. =.="

 

im going to miss this handsome guy here. Daddy.

he's always cracking jokes. 

will miss you very much Daddy.

 

this pretty amoi here, is my Mummy.

i'll definitely miss her cooking and her company for late night talks.

miss you so much Mummy :"(

this is bad. real bad. im not supposed to be so weak having to travel far from my parents. its supposed to be easy considering i was away for 4 years.

but somehow this time, it will be like for a long time before i can come back home.

pray my projects will always bring me close to home.

sigh. 

 

my idea of an ideal friend

the writing cap is on tonight.

seeing people from all walks of life made me realise how to be a little wise in choosing the people to be friends with.

honestly, i have a collection of friends who are both bad and good. the famously dubbed as the "bad-ones" are the drug addicts, gangsters, ah-longs, club-goers, kaki perempuan, bunuh orang that sort of people.

and then there are the "good-ones" who might be from the royal families, children of the country's diplomats, the nerds, the freaks or the never-come-out-of home type of friends.

but at the end of the day, all these classifying your friends into these two categories ain't going to help you to really get to know them better.

i think that no matter how mean/bad/cruel you are to yourself (hisap dadah ke, berparti sakan sampai siang ke), it doesn't really count when it comes to the value of a friendship.

a good friend, will always be there for you when you need them. evenhough they can just listen from the other end of the phone, talking to you for hours just listening to you pouring your heart out about your relationship problems or some family problems or maybe just something small like i can't complete my final year project because i couldn't stop partying every night.

that my dear, are good friends.

bad friends who you should not - i repeat, SHOULD NOT be friends with are the people who talk behind your back. yes, in front of you they appear to be the really-really-really nice people - innocent even, but trust me. you DO NOT WANT TO TRUST THEM.

senang cakap, orang yang nampak baik tapi kerjanya seharian cuba nak merosakkan hidup orang lain, to me are bad friends. tak layak diajak berkawan pun.

baik lagi kawan-kawan yang walaupun hidup mereka tu tunggang-terbalik penuh dengan masalah, tapi tetap ikhlas nak berkawan dengan kita dan tak akan menyakiti hati kita. 

i have a friend who did all the bad things in life. just mention it, he did it all. dropped out of school, alcoholic, "goyang-kepala", "sayur", he did it all i tell you. i met him at a supermarket yesterday and all he asked me about is how am i doing right now. before he left, he said, dont do what he did. "bukannya seronok pun semua benda tu."

and the most important advice i got from him is - which i will always carry with me all my life

tak kira lah kita ni jahat mana dengan diri sendiri, perangai merosakkan diri sendiri pun, jangan sekali-kali kita rosakkan hidup orang, kacau hidup orang dan sakitkan hati orang. hormat orang tua especially mak dan ayah. sayangkan diorang lebih daripada segalanya di dunia ni.

im not a good person either to advice you on these. but im speaking from experience. at some point in life, friends are like family.

wouldn't want a family to backstab you, right?

huh

something bad happened recently. like real bad that i refused to tell you. merely because its no use trying to satisfy what those bad people wants.

they sent you out on a wild goose chase, just so they can distract you and then destroy you.

if not completely, well, most part of it.

it happened on the same day i was celebrating something else. that it was supposed to be my happy day but it was slightly ruined.

people out there do nasty things to hurt us. and they wont succed in doing so because what we have right now is superstrong.

NEVER trust a stranger. easily put, never trust anyone lah.

dad said: best friend can sometimes become your worst enemy.

reason: they know ALOT about you to put you down.

final note:

(after i have done some human behavior study thingy)

and i find out something about humans
that differentiates us from animals are

if its worth fighting for, its worth fighting dirty for.

shitty right?

=.="

about my fonts

oh dear. i have no idea that my font size is super small. i never really check the settings after i changed the background.

sorry guys/ladies.

anyways, i fixed it up. all your comments good or bad is welcomed!

and do lookout for more crazy-crazy stuff from me.

life starts at 22!

:P

i did it!

oh! oh! im loving this month! first of all there is the festive raya-raya (even if i didnt celebrate it as much but its still a reason to put on nice dress and make ups). hehe.

and second of all, i graduated! yeay! \(^^,)/

the ceremony was really grande! we marched in proudly (actually trying not to trip on the stairs). by the time i was on stage, all else blacked out from my mind except the Vice Chancellor holding The Book, and me trying not to trip on stage (again).

once the student representative mentioned sebenarnya kami tidaklah sehebat mana at the end of her speech, it struck me right at the heart. we weren't that great. its our parents who supported us (financially and emotionally) throughout the struggle that made us the successful graduate we are now. and kudos to friends who were always there for the fun-fun-fun moments.

i was just back from my convocation in kk, sabah yesterday. i was exhausted but thrilled at the fact that im not a student anymore. that im not binded by any student's law which requires you to NOT wear jeans to the library. =.="

but anyways, it was a blast. i arrived a week earlier to surprise monsieur R on his birthday. hoho. you should have seen that look on his face when he opened the door and saw me with a big Secret Recipe bag. hehehe. i lied to him that i will miss his birthday (again) this year since i can only come to sabah on the 9th. i actually bought the ticket immediately upon returning to miri after my internship and viola! a birthday surprise for monsieur R! mari kita tengok macam mana dia melahap Chocolate Indulgence kesayangan dia!

okay, i suddenly feel like eating this now!

 

hohoho! apa kelas pisau plastik secret recipe, ye tak?

 

Happy 22nd Birthday Bear!

-----

i had fun in kk jalan-jalan with my girls Nurul and Sharon.

i had to strap them with safety belt to prevent them from influencing me to shop things that i want so much but i never need in the first place.

window shopping is super fun! (not that i just realised it now) i tried on something that i might not dare to wear out in public but i think actually looked awesome on my hairy feet. HOT PANTS!

sebenanrnya tidak sesuai pun untuk kaki yang berbulu. =.="

so i ended up goofing around

and taking my time in the fitting room

the whole convocation thingy is exhausting me (and my parents, and my aunt in kk and monsieur R)

that i spent my saturday morning sleeping in until lunch

  but the best part of all,

I DID IT!

pre convocation panic attacks

oh shit. im having pre-convocation panic attacks.

1. the robes might be too long that i tripped on stage
2. my head might be too small for the square hat
3. the weather might be too hot that my make up cair
4. i might oversleep the night before that i'll miss my flight the next day

and recent events that i heard from friends ain't helping to ease down the panics.

a friend of a friend of mine just recently died in an accident. apparently they missed the exit that they're supposed to take somewhere in Klang, and accidentally hit a trailer. they died on the spot. my friend texted me while he was at the morgue identifying the late. he got a hole on his forehead.

so please friends, drive safe. dont rush.

better late than dead.

=.="

count

it took me exactly 5 years 15 days 6 hours and 53 minutes

(i dont count the seconds)

to realise

that if something is not meant to be

they are just not meant to be

i guess i was less a Muslim to realise

terima qada' and qadar

as part of life

but someone made me realise that

no matter what happens

there is still a chance

to be happy

because all the time

(bukan sometimes yea)

people make mistakes in their life

cuma ingat

if its a gift sent to you by god

love it like you can love no other thing in this world.

yea yea, aku ngerepak awal-awal pagi kedak tok. dahla malam tek sik cukup tido ku. pagi tok gik nak bangun awal ngantar anak buah aku ke skolah. kakya nak mayar yuran konvo gik rah bank. rasa-rasa ngantok sik aku klak nunggu bank nak bukak. adeh. nak pergi kinek ka nak pergi tghari klak? ngantar anak buah terus ke skolah then terus ke pasar nun or ngantar anak buah ke skolah and then balit coba tidor lok?

nak pa direpak aku tok.

=.="

saya suka quote orang

" i've learned that people will 

forget what you said

forget what you did

but 

people will never forget

how you made them feel,"

Benedict Martin

 

acronym anyone?

i learned a new syndrom today!

and its called...

the OSIM syndrom.

not the kerusi urut.

tetapi stands for:

Oh Shit Its Monday!

copyrights MohdNizamGhazali

happy monday semua!

hahahahahah!

intimate talk

what do men really want?

• intelligence

if you're not smart enough for him, you'll just become something boring and disposable.

• independence
  

if you cling to him too much, he'll feel suffocated.

• sexual satisfaction

enough said.

• superior nurturing skills for the family unit

this is the final stage when/if he is ready to commit to bigger events.

 

 

other than this, doesn't really matter.

Borneo Beauties 1: Hair Care

hey hey! i have always wanted to start this kind of blog but i haven't got enough urge to do so. but because tonight im excited for my hair salon appointment tomorrow, i think this is the best time to share some beauty secrets with my readers out there.

and today its the Hair Care.

i had my hair rebonded last year. it lasted about a year because i took great care of it. and also thanks to good hair product such as Schwarzkopft, hair care is made easy by just a few simple tips. 

i shall start with simple hair care : shampoo and conditioning. 

there are a few important points to remember while you're washing your hair:

1. find a good time to pamper yourself in the shower.
2. grab good quality shampoo. i've been using Pantene shampoo and conditioner ever since i was a kid so i know it suits me best.
3. start with wetting your hair with warm water. this will allow the cuticles to open up. 
4. squeeze a dollop of shampoo on your palm. the best amount is just like the size of 50cent coin. excessive amount of shampoo can lead to product buildup on your head especially if you dont rinse them properly.
5. lather shampoo with water on your palm, before massaging it onto your scalp.
6. when massaging shampoo on your head, concentrate on the scalp. massage slowly to enhance blood flow. do not rub too hard!
7. if you have long hair, better not bring it up onto your scalp and scrub it hard. this will only make it frizzy and wild.
8. instead, try combing it down with your finger especially if you desire a straight and shiny hair. 
9. massage head for about 2 minutes and leave the shampoo on for another two minutes.
10. rinse well with warm water. make sure all the traces of shampoo is gone.

and now the most important part: conditioning 

1. squeeze a small amount onto your palm. lather it by rubbing your palms together and not with water.
2. pressing the hair in between your palms, slowly glide it down applying a little pressure.
3. try not to let the conditioner come in contact with the hair closest to your scalp. (more or less 4-5 inches from your scalp)
4. concentrate on the hair furthest from your scalp where it is dry.
5. leave it on for about 5 minutes. (while waiting you can do your shaving or exfoliation).
6. this time, rinse with cold water. by then the conditioner has been absorbed into your hair and only the excess will wash off. washing with cold water will close the cuticles and seal the conditioner in.
7. always remember to make sure you rinse everything properly. 

finally, if you want your hair to be straight and shiny, i recommend slowly patting it with towel to wipe all those dripping water. air drying is always better than drying it with a hair-dryer. for straight hair, comb the wet hair with wide tooth combs, straight down. this way, your hair will stay straight and shiny.

i got myself a long fringe lately. its kind of a nuisance because you always need to use wax to hold it in place. which can lead to product buildup on your head. 

instead....

 

try styling it up. 

sometimes less is more.

hope you love it!

:D

Eid 2009

hello. salaam eid mubarak to all. its still not too late to wish kan? this year didnt feel like something to be anticipated for. most probably there are recent events which still bugs me - which should not even bug me in the first place but i was so upset that there's nothing to celebrate for dah. biarlah.

same goes to the Independence Day. with the riots and political instability in our country now, its just impossible to celebrate the big day. im also upset about the stupid people creating riots and tunjuk perasaan. macam orang tak berpelajaran langsung lah. buat malu je masuk CNN and al-Jazeera news because we're having riots. 

this year the house pun sama je decoration. move the 3 seater sofa to the other side of living room and we're done for raya. and that's daddy. tengah enjoy tengok CSI. hehehe.

 

kuih raya pun the usuals lah. kan? i sound boring because this year its not that fun. the chocolate one in the middle is a family recipe. yang lain tepi-tepi tu semua kuih tunjuk-mana-lu-suka.
kek lapis roll tu pun beli. i have no talent whatsoever to create such fine art. saya pandai makan dan kritik sahaja.  

first day of raya tu dad decided to invite some friends over. these two ladies lah kitchen crew on that day. i pakai cantik-cantik but stuck in the kitchen washing dishes and tambah-tambah makanan outside. tapi gaji i besar o. tahun ni daddy bagi angpow besar. huhu! best best!

 

that night P wanted to bring me beraya. we were halfway on the highway when the friend called and cancelled sebab she has plans with other friends. alamak. we ended up having dinner in town at this nice place called Citrus. the food here is awesome! tempat lepak yang best sebab ada kucing kuning yang comel. hihihi.

my baby this year berubah sikit. dia dah sayang dengan kucing. yeay! he took this picture while vacationing with his friends in ranau, sabah recently. he said he loved this cat and wished he could bring it home. guess what, about a month afterwards, an almost similar cat came to my door. and i happily took her in. i named her Kat. (not short for Katherine. just Kat)

and this is Kat a few days ago. cuba nak usha daddy's other pets. aiyo. cannot lah. Kat looked like the cat yang my baby peluk tu kan? i've always say i wanted a cat to manja-manja. and Allah answered my prayers. 

so lets see what else can i pray for it to come true?

p/s: Kat might be having kittens in a few months. :O

 

promises are fragile (barizah said this)

a friend said love is like a gamble.

i've placed my bet on the table. if you won, come get it. then its yours for life. so you better appreciate it before you lose it.

but if you think you can win it but not want it for life,

DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH IT AT ALL.

gigi yang tak sempurna

i have a set of abnormal teeth. walaupun nampak cantik bila senyum (haha!), tapi saya juga tidak sempurna. seperti mana-mana manusia dimuka bumi ini.

recently bumped into a friend studying dentistry in Bandung. and R asked him to have a look at my teeth. astaga. bikin saya malu saja mau nganga mulut dapan kawan dia bah. astaga lagi.


i dont know if he sent the pictures of my teeth to another dentist friend but this is his advice on how to fix it.

1. xray
2. kalo takde gigi, boleh buat surgery keluarkan. kalo gigi takleh kluarkan sebab impacted, buat space regainer. kire dulu space ade brape. cukup untuk gigi yang nak dikeluarkan tak.
3. kalo memang takde gigi, buat ortho. tarik gigi ke depan.
4. kalo takde gigi, denture can be considered. 

bunyi macam menakutkan kan? ah well, i need more teeth lah. i dont have enough. if you think its weird, its not.


its because im special. :D




p/s: ingatlah orang yang tersayang. :P

jadi ko rasa ko hebat la kunun?

iya, saya maksudkan kau. kau jangan lupa, Allah masih jauh lagi hebat dari kau. Allah saja yang paling baik untuk maafkan kau. aku bukan yang paling sempurna jadi aku rasa takkan ada masalah kalau aku tak dapat nak maafkan kau. as it is, aku bukan sempurna.

post kali ini boleh jadi post yang menyakitkan hati tapi aku ambil keputusan tak nak buat macam tu. sebab orang yang aku sayang tu tak bagi aku bising-bising. ni hidup orang. decision orang katanya. okay. aku akan berbaik-baik dengan kau, untuk dia. i am doing everything he will ask me to do. orang yang aku sayang tu sokong kau pun sebab kau sokong dia pasal tragedy dulu. aku tau. kau kira masih bertuah ada sorang kawan yang sanggup stand by you no matter what you do. tak kira lah apa ko buat tu betul ke tak dia sentiasa ada di situ. ko jangan lupa benda tu.

kau rasa walaupun aku kawan engkau aku setuju dengan apa yang kau buat ni? tak sama sekali. 

lepas ni tolonglah jangan mintak aku maafkan kau sebab aku tak boleh. 

dan aku rasa aku yang nak mintak maaf sebab tak halang kau dari dulu. 

walaupun aku baru kenal kau, aku rasa kau boleh atasi semua ni. i know that you're a stronger person than this joker tau.

dahlah. aku tak nak marah-marah dah. bazir air mata aku je. nasib aku tak puasa. mau je aku extremely dehydrated nangis-nangis sampai nak pecah biji mata ni kalau aku berpuasa.

satu hal lagi, confirm je rosak puasa aku sebab aku marah sangat.

ko fikirlah balik apa yang ko buat ni. aku cuma harap Allah bagi kesedaran kat kau.

kalo ko cakap ini keputusan kau, baiklah. whatever it is, i hope its worth it.

ps: I Love You

it took me a bloody 2 hours movie just to make me realise how much he loves me. setan tol.

i screwed up again today. i've lost myself to the doubts and the syaitan-ly inner voice. curses!

and i hurt him again.

kadang-kadang kita lupa cinta itu ada di depan mata. sigh. 

checkered flag or the pit-stop?

have you ever thought, you're happy in a relationship and everything is falling right into place that you would want nothing more than that?

you're wrong.

have you ever thought that you might be another pit-stop to him/her?

if you're not then congratulations, i'll be expecting a wedding invitation.

if you are the pit-stop, i feel sorry for you but you should not feel sorry for yourself. those people ain't worth all the tears for.

we might not know what's going to happen in the future but at some point, i dont think i want to be another man's pit-stop anymore.

nobody wants to be a pit-stop.

we're all racing to the checkered flag. 

lost and found

i think i lost myself a bit this month. following the unemployment and the house arrest for H1N1 - though i prefer to call it the Selesema Babi. (bukan i kena selesema babi tapi terpaksa duduk rumah sebab tak nak infected - sebab itu Islam mengharamkan babi, sebab babi kotor).

this morning i couldnt sleep after the sahur so i went into my old room and went to look around. i saw my trophies on the rack, my photo albums. took one in hand and was leafing through it when i realised - i was such a happy person back then in high school. very happy person indeed. so what just happened to that happy girl smiling back at me from the pictures?

right there and then, i decided, i have been the moody useless person enough for a month. and it did nothing to make me feel better. only adds a few visible lines on my forehead. (yes, i spend almost all the time looking into that magical reflective surface).

no more mood swings. no more sadness. patiently wait for those interviews. because nobody knows what the future can offer you. i can only cross my fingers, and pray for the best. 

even if the future is uncertain, there's no use wasting the tick-tocks with all the frowning.

right? :D 

can i not want you that much?

can i please pretty please not want you that much?

i opened my eyes and feel for the cellphone under my pillow. pressed a button to light it up. no messages. i texted you good morning and step into the shower. took a longer shower just to pass the time. checked the phone again, blank.

i am itching to call you, to ask what have you been up to, but realized you're in your classes now. turned on the tv, and they're playing our favorite song. the first song you sang to me in front of the library in the rain. how i wish things were so simple like during the time we briefly courted. we would always have something to talk about. even when its past bedtime, i'd set my phone on vibrate just so not to wake my roommates with the bleeps.

seems like we dont have much to say these days huh? i would end up replying same old same old of the things i did at home. the routines. and you would end up listing what you had for berbuka. every now and then i would steal a glance at my cellphone. wishing it to lit up, an incoming message or a call. so far it has been a bit quiet. it didnt bleep alot like it used to. and i dont even need to top up the credits once a month. MYR30 is enough to last for two months now.

i've always felt that i miss you and need you so much all the time. up to a point i needed to get in touch with you all the time. but i guess that's changed now. you need to focus on your final year projects and i need to focus on gathering myself together for job interviews. we're not going different directions, its just what happens when we're apart.

nothing's falling apart. only the distance is making things difficult. or at least, appear to be difficult. i love you, sayang. very much. and i miss you too.

so im asking no one in particular.

can i not want you that much?

 

dont know what you're missing

i just got back from sending Daddy to the airport. he was on the 6.20am flight to kL for a meeting. i wished i could tag along. he could just leave me straying in the malls all day without even worrying to drop me  at the nearest day care. haha! seriously, i really wished i could go. but its a business trip and i wouldnt want him to have to introduce me to the business partners, else i'm the one who has  to follow him around during business meetings. yes, my dad can go that crazy. you never know.

now i realized something has been missing in my routine since i got back home. i forgot how good it felt waking up early in the morning and feeling that familiar shivering cold. everytime i come home during the holidays i would almost stayed in bed til about 9am everyday. today was an exception.

the drive back from the airport took about 20mins max. it was real quiet on the highway. and i kind of had this stupid idea of me dying from an accident - doing over 120 on the flyover and actually flying over it and wham! die. but -ahem- its just the carbs breakfast i had kicking in. i passed by a shopping mall in renovation. they have decided to expand the wings and add a smashing hotel attached to the existing one. cantiklah. but i can predict it to be too congested when its done nanti. depan tu highway, and confirm-confirm traffic jam teruk because people would rush to get into town and there will be more Bruneians coming down to miri nak shopping. sheesh. 

as i got back home, my brother Eddie was just getting ready to go to school. he warmed up his bike. bising giler bhai! and i just sat there staring at him. besar dah adik aku ni. bujang 19 years old. and i agree if im just a 19 year old stranger girl staring at him now, i could easily fall for the dashing devilish smile of his. patutla aku jumpa banyak surat cinta dalam laci dia. ops, too much details. haha!

he asked for the bike for his 16th birthday. and he chosed the perfect present! a Suzuki125 bike. bunyi dia bising gila, macam nak roboh je rumah. but it suit him nicely. his legs yang panjang tu still cecah lantai walaupun seat motor tu nampak tinggi. yes, i checked out my own brother. admiring him. he used to be so short sampai kitorang pernah panggil dia 'abang pendek'. (if you still remember, ada satu masa iklan Wrigley's chewing gum ke yang ada minah sebut oh, abang pendek tu - kalo tak ingat sah korang tak tengok tv zaman tu).

but he grew up to be a hot cake in school. haha! only one girl managed to capture his heart though. i met her already. nice girl. conclusion: my brother has a good taste. i seriously wouldnt want him to end up with the bitches who tried to be nice to me in school just to get to him. (before ni kitorang pernah in the same school at the same time. but i was in the morning session lah). 

and its wednesday! already. yea. its assembly day so he put on the school's blazer, salam-ed mom and me (baik kan my brother ni?), then sped off to school. 

time flies. cliche? yeah.

the question now is: should i be going back to bed? i've only slept for two hours last night. :O

pull the pin then see me go BOOM

okay. it might sound redundant to post blog twice a day. unless if you're phone blogging. but i have been having trouble to sleep lately. even though i feel like im tired, the room is dark, the air conditioning is on, its dead quiet, and its already 2am, but i cant seem to have the sleep i yearn for. most of the time i would text someone asking what are they doing. if they're still up, then i end up asking them why are they still up.

gibberish.

and it sucks having to drift back into sleep again and again since 8am. i can wake up at 8am but what the hell am i going to do for the rest of the day? and so automatically my body chose to go back to sleep - again. and when i feel like getting up already, its 12 sharp.

i know. all the sighing wont do any good. but what else can i do? i am looking for a job. waiting for interviews. dad wouldnt let me work. at least not as an Elianto sales representative/beauty consultant. because it means he'll have to send and pick me up from work everyday. so instead of having to listen to his lectures, i'd save my ears and just stayed at home. 

there are other things that's been bugging me right now but i think its a bit too personal for me to include here. only closest and dearest friends could understand the situation right now. and yes, they listen to you. but in the end of the day after they sign off to go to bed, i find myself alone again looking at a blank screen with a blinking cursor.

not that i dont trust anyone to sink their teeth into my secrets/problems. but i have had enough of backstabbers in my life. im a bitch. i know that. but i never even once bitch about you. i bitch about myself. i go out and do crazy stuffs which has got nothing to do about you. but why you still want to bitch about me? even if its just a small blab, still, you're a blabber. and dont forget, blabbers burn in hell longer than bitches do. 

because i will never forgive you.

 

blast from the past (yea, i know this is a movie title)

oh yes, i am one of the penganggur berjaya. too bad i dont tanam anggur. ok-ok. i hate it when people say that. oh, tanam anggur. no i dont. im taking a break after i completed my degree. yes it was tiring, but i think after a month of doing nothing at home is the one that can actually kill you!

and here i am, having to think of something to do everytime i wake up in the morning. partly trying to summon myself out of bed. i have been having this drifting back to sleep phases when i woke up and on the course of deciding what to do for the rest of the day, i fell back to sleep. i usually wake up early in the morning (serious ni.), but i really really get out of bed by noon. no secrets there. (this picture was inspired by Razana - which i think has the same thought when she took her version of this picture. tak tau nak buat lepas bangun).

recently i visited my primary school. all my niece and nephews go there now. so i decided to take some pictures to show you. this is one of the best class i attended here. its in between two classes so we used to hang out at the back door with friends from kelas sebelah before the teacher comes in. dan yang paling best, kelas ni kat tingkat atas. budak-budak kecik yang nakal dan bising dan annoying dari kelas bawah paling senang kena buli ngan kitorang. haha!

this class is the first class i entered when i was in Standard 1. nothings changed except for the paints. but even the colour of the paint is still the same. haha!

this is where i used to lepak with my friends. haha! kecik-kecik dah pandai lepak. yess. and that time i suka main kejar-kejar. the i remembered the school had to instal a grill at the top of the stairs just so they could lock it after class begins. because.... we used to snuck out of class and lepak here. haha! after they put up the grill, dah tak boleh nak escape class dah. aww..

before i stepped out of the school gate, here is another picture. i cant believe so much memories came flooding at one time at this very spot. of course back then the school is not as pretty as this. they haven't even paved the road so my school shoes would always be kotor during the monsoon seasons. i didnt get to meet any teacher though since it was a saturday, but, meh, most of the teachers probably moved to another school anywas.

here's another place i miss. parking lot at school of enineering, ums. i used to wait for R to finish his class here. before we head off to a nice dinner, a movie and dates. :D tempat ni selalu panas time petang.
and finally, this view. this was taken while i taught Fitrinah how to drive. it was drizzling outside and we're cruising slowly around the back road in ums. and this was also the view whenever R pick me up from classes and we go for rounds around the city.

rindu yea? :")