in an open relationship?

what defines a relationship?

i dont even know what are the rules of dating anymore or if there is even a rule for dating.

i dont share my man. and yes i am possessive. i guess saying i had a bad history does not count because people would just say its an excuse, not a reason. whatever happened to you before does not determine who you will be.

no matter how much i explain the fear of losing someone i love because of my past, people just wont take it as a reason why i am acting like just the way i am now.

to them, it would always to be an excuse. never a reason.

some people can just turn the page and start over.


but to some. its just difficult.

giving it my best shot. we only live once. who knows im destined to die minutes from now.

have you given your best shot?

up early on a saturday

why do i love to wake up early on a saturday - if i can.

because the house would be still. the sun hasn't come up yet - at least here in the peninsular. and i would just sit on my bed, either engrossed in a good novel or just sitting there listening.

sometimes its very quiet here until i can hear the neighbor's alarm. i wonder who sets their alarm on a saturday morning. oh wait. some people have to work on a saturday. hehe. i dont. lucky me. :P

am looking forward for more traveling soon. the recent travel to Perak was awesome. driving on the north-south expressway, add in breathtaking view of limestone caves.

gave me enough time to think things over. the bad ones, i have decided to leave them within the gaping holes of limestone caves.

praying it to stay there and never come back and haunt me.

contemplating

i think. i need anger management.

i have lost respect for the type of people who messed-up my life before. not that im acknowledging their ability to turn me into a monster.

i turned off my phone. wanting to cut all connection to the cruel world outside. but here i am, letting my fingers tell the world how i feel. maybe then at least someone would listen and understand.

i hope one day i can really-really get over the anger i feel. life is short you know. and i am trying not to let these losers ruin my life again. not ever. although at times i just wonder why cant i just erase the bad memories and start anew?

maybe an accident is good for me now. just so i forgot who i was, how my life used to be, and start a new life.

maybe. sighs.

jom kita ngerepak.

ingin rasa nak ngerepak depan muka kau eh tapi aku rasa tenaga aku tok memang sik berbaloi untuk dibazirkan on kau.

banyak gik benda lain nok aku boleh polah dengan tenaga-tenaga nok aku mok pake ngerepak ngan kau ya tek contohnya ngemas bilit ka, jemor kain tengah panas ka, nyesah ka. nyesah pun walo ada washing machine yang super canggeh nektok pun perlu juak eh tenaga nak ngembak turun dah kain2 ya, nak balance dirik rah tanggak gik, nak nyekup masok omo lam mesen ya tek, nak micit softener gik, nak nyumbat dak kain tek segala. semua energy ya tek boleh digunakan dengan cemerlang k nyettle kerja-kerja rumah kedak tok. time well spent tek kata urang puteh.

tapi yala tek nak, tedah blog tok pake tempat aku ngerepak. sikkan nak ngerepak ngan boyfriend nak? bukan semua sidak dapat terimak. ada nok ok juak boleh nengar and respon, tapi mun dapat nok jenis alu manas ya camni? mun benda2 pasal bergerek tek dibiar2 nya ajak kita sampe kerin, tapi bila sampe kawan nya, full swing nya tek merik sapot. sekpala nak, kawan bah. mun kawan aku pun aku sapot. tapi bukan dari segi pemberian makanan dan minuman dan tempat tinggal, tapi sapot dari siring gitu bak kata Adi room mate aku time skolah tinggi dolok. sik juak tinggi ne la skolah aku dolok tek. adala sampe tiga tingkat jak. tapi tingkat tiga ya tek jarang ku nait ku sebab sia bilit lecturer. haha.

nait adala skali sebulan jak. ya pun tek nak drop off assignment. lekak ya alu berekot simok terjumpa mana-mana lecturer.

tapi tok jak la pesan aku deng, mun ko berkawan, and ko tauk kawan kau ya nang respek kau walau apa keadaan kau sekali pun, ko patut respek nya juak. sik banyak pun dikit jak la tek. jangan ponek bak kata urang. jangan bila dah last-last baruk ko mok mencarik nya. tedah nya aie.

maok jak ku ngerepak gik tok. tapi aku nak mujok mata ku tido lok.

bak kata sorang kawan gik tek, banyak gik benda lam dunia tok nok boleh molah aku gembira, tapi gine mun aku maok nya juak di sisi aku?

gine? gine? gine? bakani wai?

bah, samekom.

ViXen

Borneo Beauties 101: Choosing Foundation/Loose Powder

Hello.

let me get this straight. before you girls put on those foundation to hide whatever it is that you're hiding? may i suggest you take some time to evaluate the actual purpose of applying foundation before your loose powder.


1. you're hiding the ZIT.
2. you want that matte look.

here's a simple way to choose the best foundation that suits you.

Choosing Colour
may i suggest that you choose a tone that is the most similar to your skin or a tone darker. if you choose something that is lighter, seriously girl, you might not want to go through the trouble applying them all to your hands and neck. what you actually need is to only achieve a neat and matte look. no scars, no zits and most importantly, no uneven tone.

Choosing Liquid or Two-way Foundation
No specifics here only preference.
For liquid foundation, you can choose to apply using the dabbing sponge or a proper brush. Hygiene is the key here. Never never never use a sponge, leave it to dry and reuse them the second time without cleaning it. You might not know what kind of bacteria is building its colony on it! So soak it up in a clean warm water for about 5mins, and then dry them out after each use. Discard them after they start to disintegrate and i mean immediately once you saw there's bits coming out of it. Buy a new pair. It's freaking cheap.

And as for the Two-way Foundation, it saves the hassle of applying loose powder afterwards. Good for them girls on the run! :)  what you can do to maximize the effect is soak the sponge in warm water, squeeze out all excess, glide it gently on the two-way and then dab lightly onto your skin. (although please remember to apply a light tint of moisturizer on your skin first)

I have never tried applying foundation using a brush but i'll try it soon and bring it up here.

The Finishing Works
of course you'll have to couple everything up with eyeliner, mascara, sexy blush, and balm up them pucker.

Borneo Beauties, it's never complicated.

Love,
ViXen

Cat's Tail

would love to share something with you all.  click on the link below. :)

Cat's Tail

this is a great month to start with something new. met up with bestie SK who is so so kind to drop by at the Curve to come and see me. if i dont have to rush to jB the next day we could go and have a massage first kan SK kan?

 SK, i know you asked me to delete this picture but i won't. satu gambar only we take ok. dont la so kedekut with your face.

aaaanyways, i am seriously missing cats at home. there's been an addition to the family 4 little kittens. i'm not giving them up. hehe. yet to name them but my brother will do that. he named the now grown kitten Tom, but actually he's a she. 

this morning on my way to work i saw this cute cat sleeping on a pavement. took a picture of him but he got angry sebab terbangun dengar my phone camera shutter berbunyi. :P ya, tipu la phone camera got shutter la, but what i meant was the sound la. the sound of shutter although my phone camera no shutter. but i sayang my phone ok. lupa pulak want to upload it because i cant seem to find me phone cable. the brutuf (bluetooth) is not working at the moment, dont know why, but this is the picture of my version of Ah-Huang, fatter, grumpier and has got less and less teeth than SK's version of Ah-Huang.

and i also enjoyed the sitework to Johor recently because i get to dine at the seaside. okay, selat tebrau to be exact. i think i should really move to a place closer to the beach/sea. 

and this is me, sangat-la posing facebook/friendster/myspace/tagged ok. just to annoy you. haha!

hoping to do some traveling anytime soon. avoiding something/someone. 

love,

ViXen.

storm

first of all, i really really hate that beiber boy. grow up some 5 to 6 years and THEN sing those songs boy! immature!

and it surprises me after Malaysians still do not know how to line up properly. i was at kFC today and this guy just cut in front of me while i was still squinting my eyes to read the menu. when he turned around (or pretended to turn around and did not see me there in the first place) he made way for me. i nodded. but he stood so close behind me that i had to look at him for quite some time before he actually give me some space. sengal punya pakcik. and before long, he is just inches behind me again. shit laah.

and the service is soooo damn slow tau. so much for FASTFOOD.

wants to pay a visit to spca. need some tender loving from them cats.

sigh.

taxi man

i did a lot of travelling lately for work. and also TO work by taxi since the i can't drive the car for about two weeks? took the train but decided to just arrive at the office in style. 

and i can say i have only seen a little bit into the world of driving taxis.

pernah sekali tu aku bukak je pintu taxi dia, the smell. awh mai gawd! bau rokok punyalah kuat sampai kalah perfume mahal aku. ahem. these, i call them, the smoke chamber! roll down the window and get the muka-mengalahkan-asam-boi-masam-treatment from the taxi driver or die from third-hand smoking. choose!

but you can't compare that to the chatterbox! once this guy asked me about work and where do i live and everything! so i lied. yes. i lied. i told him i'm married, i had to go and make a site visit where they're building a shopping mall and i'm the architect. blah blah blah. (oh, i hate this kesha song. it's lame! :rolls eyes:). but i was careful enough to remember which version of my lies i'm telling to which taxi driver. i know it's better to just ignore them but i'm playing along. don't get me wrong. they're the chatterbox. i'm just feeding them with what they need. plus, if you're being nice to them, they'll get you to your destination safely. guaranteed! 

and finally the silent ones. these are the ones i loved most. they don't talk much, they're very patient while driving and they're super nice and help you carry your luggage/baggage up to doorstep.

so, please reward them with tips and a THANK YOU! they deserve it.

one piece of advice, if you're a frequent taxi-user and if you somehow can remember the driver's face from previous rides, do not stop directly in front of your house. just stop a few houses/blocks and wait for him to disappear around the corner. i think this is the best way to keep us all ladies safe. hide your identity, do not expose any personal information i.e. your actual office location, where you live, where you're from. 

there are psychos out there.

i might sound like i'm paranoid, but someday, you'll thank me.

love,

ViXen

The Other Side of Midnight

..by Sidney Sheldon.

i have read her book once and loved her writing already. her first book that i found at home back in sarawak was Nothing Lasts Forever. in a way its true.

her plots are pretty much the same. crime of passion.

Noelle Page has had a rough time growing up in a fisherman's village, got sold to a rich fat old guy by her own father and raped. that was when she decided to have this revenge for any guy she met. she then took off to Paris and met a guy named Larry Douglas, fell in love with him just in time to see him off to the US preparing for WWII. Larry told her to wait for him the next saturday so that they can get married. stashed some money in her palms and told her to buy a wedding gown. she waited. but too bad Larry never showed up. and the worst part is she is pregnant with his child.

she met this nice doctor and he helped her with the abortion. during the German occupation of France, she got her shot into popularity in theater. in a relationship with the director but then left him for a German General. ditched the German general and off to marry some rich guy named Demiris. she has got everything in the world, money, power and adored by all. but her thoughts is still for Larry.

after Larry left her, Noelle hired a private investigator to keep track of Larry's whereabouts. and when finally she has the power and money in her hands, she set out to get her revenge on Larry.

the ending is just mindblowing. :)

if you want to know, go find this book because i will not spoil it for you. what i can say is that, people go to great lengths to get what they want.

on the Annegel scale, this book scores 4/5.

the minus one is for the boring boring days of Noelle suffering alone in pain after the abortion.

Xoxo,

Vixen.

the grounds i walked

bear just texted me telling me he is around town in KK.

he passed through the kfc where we went on our first official date. just to the left is a boutique where i would spend at least half an hour trying on some outfit which i would then refuse to buy because they dont fit my then stick thin body.

opposite of the boutique is a bakery, MultiBake. where we would always grab the favorite garlic stick and then rush up the stairs to be in time for the movies.

the burgerKing diner where we used to hang out was long gone. i think it was sold to a small handphone shop and the other half of it turned into a shoe shop.

i remembered bear told me that the cheap-ass cinema's door is just like the one he has back when he lives in the off-campus dorms. we used to go for couple seats. and yes of course we got it for the privacy and the comfort. i think i still keep the cinema tickets although some of them might have fade already by now. 

and the last thing that came to my mind about a minute ago is this food court up at wisma merdeka where we usually have some heavy lunch with this awesome ikan keropok. its phenomenal.

well that was three years back.

can't believe i almost forgot how much fun we had when the worries of the world have never even existed back then. 

i think i'll walk those grounds again one day. 

see if i can fit the smell, sound and sight to one of the great memories i had back in sabah.

love, 

Anne.

black sheep wall

oh. once again i have abandoned the blog.

just got caught up with work - home and at the office. i wonder since when i pandai kumpul laundry tinggi-tinggi ni. as far as i know, during my uni years i can say that i am a lazy bum la jugak, but coming home to see the laundry piled up high like this? oh no. this cannot be. 

itching to go for another weekend of ice-skating with hanimun but lets see if im too exhausted to get up by 7am on saturday this week. i hope i can finish the site within these 3 days. tomorrow there will be someone visiting me and my teammate at the site so i pray pray pray nothing goes wrong tomorrow.

i know i have this habit of trying to be perfect at the very first time of trying something. it is a challenge but at the same time im not being fair to myself. bear's mom told me im being too hard on myself. but thats just me i think. i had a fair share of mistakes in the short 22 years of my life that i can do nothing about. and life's a bitch when you thought you made a right decision when actually there is no right or wrong decisions, there's just a decision that comes with consequences to live with and make the most of things.

i am short-tempered. there. i've said it.

i am putting up yet another wall around me. i see you but you can never see through me.

xoxo.

sharon, i miss you dearly. stay a little longer for your next trip okay? i miss our pillow talks.

hanim, thanks for picking up the call the other night. i really need it.

amoi, and wan, heads up. its coming your way!

please use your signal

why is it so difficult to lift a finger and turn on your signal?

a guy got the middle-finger-response from me for failing to give a signal before turning into a junction. i was on my way home and its already stressful that i can't get out of the junction and the line behind me is beginning to grow.

i only have a fraction of patience to spare wahai motorists in Malaysia.

lain kali kalau tak bagi signal aku langgar je. pastu reverse dan lenyek lagi biar flat terus supaya orang tak payah susah-susah nak kutip serpihan badan kau.

huh!

water.

a glass jar appeared from no where into my hands. it is green. i opened the lid and pour away the contents. to my right there is a spring flowing from an unknown source. i clean the bottle but there is still traces of sands in it. encrusted at the bottom.

i heard waves. faint at first but it got louder. i turned to look. squinted my eyes and saw water - or seawater splashing on top of a neighbor's roof. and then a big wave. smashing on top of the roofs. getting nearer to my own house. i ran to get inside. just in time to have one foot in and the other out the door feeling a wash of the sandy water. left foot to be exact.

i am standing at the sea. just by the shoreline. with my back to the sea, looking at a cliff. the sky is somewhat grey today. a big wave coming from the right bombarded the cliff to pieces. 

but i am safe. even if i stand in the sea feeling the waves on my ankles i am safe from the bigger wave that is hitting the shore.

i was woken up by a streak of sunlight through the window.

Everlast!

oh! oh! indulged myself with a new pair of shoes from Everlast. just so i could wear the crocs only when i really have to.

crocs is giving me smelly feet. i know its nice to wear them because they're super comfy but that doesn't mean i want to wear them all the time anymore.

hence, the new shoe! wee~!

now the problem is, its white. so, pray that on the days that im wearing it, it wont rain.

(=^.^=)

me is the not writing serious

me is the looking forward to travelling. which will happen soon. which i hope will be far from here. which will be totally tiring and fun at the same time.

ho-yeah!

yes, me is the understand the language me is using right now is the very annoying. but this is the english is broken spoken by people who is refusing to speak properly english.

me is happy on a bright sunshiny saturday that me ate too much salt and drink too sweet drinks and becoming the hyper like this. yes, me is not eating healthy but me no care since its me money earn from good job.

me is the want to vroom vroom in a new car soon. so me better control not to step the accelerator to much because me must love environment and me cash because oil is not cheap. cooking oil is different because cannot be used in me car.

oh oh! dont forget uncle pants on the ground. i think he will be a phenomenal hit this season. 

total crap.

subway saturday:

seafood with crap! eh! salah!

seafood with CRAB!

ngeee~

upset? no?

why so upset?

life is full of fun waiting for you out there

so why bother with the nonsence?

grab your car keys

rev the engine

stomp on the gas

ride to freedom

;)

loving you Bear, always.

slumber

no, not the malay version of slumber. ewuh.

i've been having all sorts of weird collection of dreams. previously i have kept a written dream diary that i thought of turning it into a blog one day. just to see how weird can things go in my semi-conscious brain. which means i would have to log in every morning, each time immediately after i wake up for the details to be exact and maybe scary to some. we'll see about that yea? :)

loving the gloomy-gloomy weather although my body functions on "jam-matahari". if its dark i feel sleepy and i can just get up from deep sleep by a ray of light through the curtains. the cool air is helping my skin to recover from various degree of sunburn from siteworks. i need to find a new skincare line to treat the sunburns. wouldnt want to end up having nice tans (only on my arms) anne.

what to do today yea? spend the day out with my dear darling or just stay in and do the old people activities? haha!

can you please not go so soon Bear?

(i.i)

2010

hey! happy new year! :D

welcomed the new year with close buddies the Don, Rx-8 and hottie at Bear's cribs. we had a small BBQ party - chicken, hotdogs and the compulsory lamb.

i celebrated my new year indoors for the last 3 years so its good to have the small gathering of close friends. oh yea, and we popped sparkling juice and toast at midnight! well, at least Don got the honour to pop the bottle.

i'm not the resolution-making kind of person so lets just put it this way, this year i'll be better than before. easy, right? right.

forecasts on love life, financial and career seems good this year. the hunt for my first car is still on as i will not easily settle down with Myvi because i (and my so-called financial advisor) think/know that i can afford something better and double the satisfaction. owning a dream car with less the amount of money to buy a Myvi. how cool is that? so just wait and see. i'll post up pictures if i think its safe enough as to not end up being stalked by uber-psycho people out there. sheesh!

i gained a kilo. haha! yea. not supposed to include that here but hey! at least i'm no kate moss anymore. a doctor in sabah calls me that. he thinks that girls should have some meat on them - or whatever that means. but yeah, i'll do some upgrading to the current assets and keep the flat abs. which will be a huge challenge to do since now i can afford to dine at nice places (a reason to splurge and a reason to spend for a reason to treat myself after working these ass off).

a nice steamboat hangout in the city of Cats

all else is looking good.

starting the new year with better tolerance for chocolate and lightly caffeinated drinks.

missing an all time good friend of mine who is happy to be drunk during midday and sending funny messages while getting drunk from somewhere in Taiwan.

happy to be someplace where cats are "worshiped" as the city's mascot,

..and looking forward to travels by mid-january.

*yawns*