in an open relationship?

what defines a relationship?

i dont even know what are the rules of dating anymore or if there is even a rule for dating.

i dont share my man. and yes i am possessive. i guess saying i had a bad history does not count because people would just say its an excuse, not a reason. whatever happened to you before does not determine who you will be.

no matter how much i explain the fear of losing someone i love because of my past, people just wont take it as a reason why i am acting like just the way i am now.

to them, it would always to be an excuse. never a reason.

some people can just turn the page and start over.


but to some. its just difficult.

giving it my best shot. we only live once. who knows im destined to die minutes from now.

have you given your best shot?

up early on a saturday

why do i love to wake up early on a saturday - if i can.

because the house would be still. the sun hasn't come up yet - at least here in the peninsular. and i would just sit on my bed, either engrossed in a good novel or just sitting there listening.

sometimes its very quiet here until i can hear the neighbor's alarm. i wonder who sets their alarm on a saturday morning. oh wait. some people have to work on a saturday. hehe. i dont. lucky me. :P

am looking forward for more traveling soon. the recent travel to Perak was awesome. driving on the north-south expressway, add in breathtaking view of limestone caves.

gave me enough time to think things over. the bad ones, i have decided to leave them within the gaping holes of limestone caves.

praying it to stay there and never come back and haunt me.

contemplating

i think. i need anger management.

i have lost respect for the type of people who messed-up my life before. not that im acknowledging their ability to turn me into a monster.

i turned off my phone. wanting to cut all connection to the cruel world outside. but here i am, letting my fingers tell the world how i feel. maybe then at least someone would listen and understand.

i hope one day i can really-really get over the anger i feel. life is short you know. and i am trying not to let these losers ruin my life again. not ever. although at times i just wonder why cant i just erase the bad memories and start anew?

maybe an accident is good for me now. just so i forgot who i was, how my life used to be, and start a new life.

maybe. sighs.